So... what had happened waaaas

I'm crazy for the opposite sex.  I've always loved boys.  I'm possibly obsessed with the opposite gender.  It's not just about their man part.  I love how they are.  They're so different from me and usually cool and funny.  Their thinking and behavior all in one.  Still truly I really do absolutely enjoy the physical interactions of their embrace and the urgency of their want for me and my form.

However.

No I do not and have not and plan not to ever give a "handy" to anyone.  I love touching the man body and receiving the praise of how amazing and wonderful I've made them feel, but I won't cross the line between giving and taking, because if I touch "that".... I'll be selfishly taking that pleasure onto myself.  Being selfish is in essence not self less.  The fact is my great enjoyment in this work will become tarnished and impure of giving if that line is ever crossed, even once.

I love massaging fems too. A love in the manner of giving purely for them to feel good and eased.  I too have this form and so it's nothing new to me, nothing very different from mine so I do not experience a sense of "wanting & enjoyment".  The love I feel whilst administering that joyful feeling of ease and relaxation is warm and welcoming.  Knowing I've brought happiness to my own sister or daughter is my mind frame. I feel love and in turn give love through and through.

But for a male...  I feel enjoyment through my hands, and I know they can feel that I enjoy touching their form and this makes the experience so much more.  I can't say I know any one man who would rather not feel wanted.  Enjoying what your doing is key.

So one day...  I was thinking. As I rarely do (sarcasm), noticing how some men I've massaged seem to prefer a cold, unconnected session.  I had to try and understand why this is.  What is it possibly they are afraid of.  Seems to me they're either not used to feeling "love" or not used to being touched in a loving manner and so in turn our session changes dramatically.  I'm unable to completely connect, to completely give.  I know many people place weights upon each other in the guise of love, being that it is only for fear.  Fear of losing what one wants to poses.  I know this is due to the changing understandings of how we come together as opposites in gender, not realizing were all the same in spirit.  Coming to that truth of love not being solely for opposites of gender.

Afraid of intimacy for fear it will lead the other to expectations and attachments is a disconnector in my view.  At the same time, people whom recognize an unhealthy person and their manner of attaching will cut a connection straight away, rather than to lead it on for whatever they might gain.   Whereas others stay and take.

This is what can happen.  Passing up love for fear.

Like walking through a desert for ten years, dying, starving, so thirsty.  Then someone tells you it was never a desert, it was always a paradise.  But you couldn't see it as such for these reasons, and had been passing up water on such a constant basis you didn't even notice it as water anymore.

Don't Forget to Remember not to Forget

The sun shines on palm trees and passing vehicles.  Vehicles holding people needing to reach a destination.  The destination is the clear path, yet unseen circumstances change the outcome of these hopefully reached destinations.  What I can say about the unseen is I'm sure, oppositional to many thoughts and view points of many people.  But yet it only matters for me, because I am in my world.

Mostly these words I place in this data are for the purpose of expression.  Not to regard the like or dislike of the manner of these words or even their complete meaning because most will misconstrue so much anyway. 

As a person I'm sure I know enough about me to say I often forget to know that if I forget anything, it's for a good reason, a necessary reason.  It is because it has to be.

Other moments Ill somehow just know.

To be me.  I'm here right now, and I know I am.  

Lately I'm viewing this outer world more and more like if It is Me.  This world is possibly... me, just as my body is the world and I'm in it.  So I say okay, do I have an internal problem, resulting in a possible extinction of the peace I see and know around me, within me.  Do I have a problem inside that needs to be resolved.

I do still feel responsible for doing something to aid in the betterment of this world I live in, yet this seems illogical at the same time.  I know I can share my views and such with many but still I know a different view is not for the attempt to put it all into one view and perspective, or is it?

If we all seen the same, would not the view be absolutely clear?

If I understand the perfection of me, would not I understand the perfection of it all?  The perfection of all that is around.

Their are two perspectives in this world.  It is either perfect, or maintaining flaw.

So, many who say they understand the concept of "God" truly do not.

This I see is their dilemma and confusion. Yet, also it belongs to me because often I see the perfection, and often I do not.

Somehow I have to stay calm knowing I might forget it's all supposed to be the way it turns out to be, not attaching myself to the want of being responsible for it all, nor even for a little of it.

I must remember that I will forget in the moments that I do not remember that I've forgotten that I'm not supposed to know at that moment. And just roll with it.  Let it flow and move me like deep hard bass, the bass of my heart beat.

My

understanding

perfection